I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Randomize
