i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
