ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
