I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
