happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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