I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
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Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
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Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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