They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize