im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
