so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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