Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
