just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
