Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
