I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
