Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
