whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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