I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
