I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
