First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
