So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
What drink are we having for lunch?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
