you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
