i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
