If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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