thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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