everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
