I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
