i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
