"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
We talked him into tasing himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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