I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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