I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
