Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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