I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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