I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
