We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
