Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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