guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
