Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
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