ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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