brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
