You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
