They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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