A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The police scanner is talking about you again....
cat food counts as protein by the way
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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