I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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