the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
