I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
