I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
