Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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