somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
