a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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