sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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