after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
