I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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