I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
honey bunches of taint.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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