I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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