Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
