we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
