Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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