So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
