I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
