Banned from zoo.
Again?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
