I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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