Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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