haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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