Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
