I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
