Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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