Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
