Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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