I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
