Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
