I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
