In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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