You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
