I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Semen is not good for contacts.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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