sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
accomplished twins. life is a go
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
